Headache
by Ashynarr
Summary: Because if a boy pulls a girl's pigtail, he obviously likes her, and so she has to like him back, regardless of her own feelings on the matter. Fandom Deconstruction. (Repost, First Posted Dec 23 2013)
Headache (Hetalia)

Author: Ashynarr

Summary: Because if a boy pulls a girl's pigtail, he obviously likes her, and so she has to like him back, regardless of her own feelings on the matter.

Disclaimer: Hetalia's not mine.

Warning: fandom deconstruction

(This is sort of a deconstruction of the tsun trope, so just a warning now, if you don't like those… well, I warned you.)

Please read author's note at the bottom before sending in comments... I know I'm gonna get a huge range of reactions to this, and I just hope you guys understand why I'm posting this here despite the potential backlash I may get.

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America groaned, rubbing at his forehead as he read over another document; his presentation on some fixes to the economy was today, and he wanted to be sure everything was accurate. However, the annoying headache he'd acquired after his latest fight with England made it hard to focus on the papers for any length of time, and eventually he was forced to concede with a huff of frustration.

Really, what was the other Nation's issue with him anyways? It was like he went out of his way just to nitpick at everything he did, and he refused to leave no matter how much America tried to get away. They almost always ended up fighting when the superpower was no longer able or willing to take the shots at himself and his people, and honestly America was tired of it.

"Trouble in paradise?" A familiar voice asked from behind him, and America had to resist the urge to groan again.

"Not now, Francis."

France tutted, settling into the chair next to his. "Come now, tell big brother all about it."

America sighed. "Arthur cornered me and started complaining about my presentation even though he hadn't even seen it yet. Ended up in a shouting match over something, can't even remember now."

"That part I think we all know about by now. You two can get rather… _l_ _ _oud__ _._ " The last part was said in an odd tone, as if part of a private joke, but America waved it off as his tired imagination.

"I just wish I knew why he goes out of his way to piss me off. It'd be sorta nice to not fight so much, ya know?"

France gave him a sympathetic pat on the arm. "It's just his odd way of showing affection. He's never been very good at expressing himself."

America paused to give the other Nation a confused stare. "…Weird way to show it then. If fighting is his way of showing affection, then you two must spend loads of time in bed together."

France raised a manicured eyebrow. "I don't know what you've heard about me, but I don't sleep with anyone who's already taken."

America blinked. "…wait, Arthur's dating someone already? Who, Yao? No, not him… Abel, maybe?"

There was a longer pause. "…Alfred, you do know everyone knows about you and Arthur dating, right? You don't have to hide it."

"What?" America nearly shouted, startling several other Nations who had entered during the conversation and been listening in with varying amounts of interest. "Me and- where the fuck did you get that idea?"

France raised his hands in mock surrender. "Considering you two bicker like a married couple, it's hard not to see that you two are clearly crazy about each other."

America stared. "…yes, because him mocking everything I like and stand for is clearly him secretly being in love with me."

"He's bad at showing how he feels, but that's no reason to misinterpret his flirting-"

"Flirting? I've seen flirting, and that's not it. And why would I even fall for a guy that makes me feel guilty for just eating a freaking burger?"

A pause. "Well, you do eat those a lot…"

America rolled his eyes, annoyed that that stereotype never seemed to go away. "When I'm abroad, and even then it's not that often. When I'm at home I usually cook for myself, and most of it is _actually_ healthy."

France sighed. "Alfred, you should at least consider how he feels, what with you clearly not returning his affections."

America closed his eyes, and took a deep breath to keep himself from snapping. Yelling never worked, as he'd learned, and being calm when explaining how utterly stupid someone was being always worked better in the long run.

"How about how I feel, then?" He uttered clearly, stopping all other noise in the room. "Maybe he should think about how _his_ comments affect __me__ _._ Does he think that I enjoy having my culture insulted? Or my people mocked for something that isn't their fault? Does he think that by constantly bringing up my weight, my history, and all my other insecurities, I'll fall for him?

"I've told him, again and again, that I don't like fighting, that I don't appreciate the insults and the put downs. I've explained this so many times that I could recite it in my sleep, but he never. fucking. stops. And I am sick and tired of it. I don't care if it's 'just his way of showing affection'; it's childish on his part to hurt me and expect no repercussions for his actions. I have no interest in any sort of relationship with him, and until he sucks it up and learns how to discuss things like a rational adult I'll continue to have no interest."

His eyes shut again, not opening until after he sighed and seemed to sag in on himself. "Matt, can you handle my presentation today? I don't think I can handle a meeting right now."

Canada jumped, startled out of the shock the speech had put him and the rest of the room into. "Y-yeah, no problem."

With a small nod of thanks America stood, brushing past France and several other Nations to the exit, not even acknowledging England as he left the room and the building.

As he stepped out onto the sidewalk outside the building he rubbed at his forehead again, the headache from before even heavier thanks to the emotional high he'd just come down from; however, part of him felt, well, relieved that he'd finally been able to air his grievances with his former caretaker. Whether he, or indeed anyone, would take heed was another matter entirely, but at least it wasn't _his_ problem anymore.

Damn, he needed a drink.

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AN: Because sometimes I get irrationally angry at 'tsun' relationships (and you all know exactly who I mean by that)

Since I know people are gonna complain... this is NOT anti-USUK! (Not really, anyways...) This is more a complaint about a certain fraction of USUK fics which seem to think a relationship based on nothing but England tearing an idiot!oblivious!America down for all his 'flaws' while he himself seems to smell of roses and sunshine is just...

Ick. No. Please, don't write them like that, please, you guys are the reason I'm so reluctant to even look in the direction of other USUK fics.

I'm just very defensive and protective of Alfred, especially since so many people like to hate on him. Hence, I always tend to look at fics and wonder 'how would he feel in this situation' and just... yeah.


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